We’ll Always Have Paris?!

Apparently not? I’m here at OWT! But we’re in the Alps (I think southern France?), not Paris. I was a little – okay a lot – annoyed, but now I think it’s really cool because it’s PERFECT for skating!

So anyway, the journalism team put together a photo album of my arrival! How cool! Here it is!
Cate Skates (Of COURSE that’s the title!)

And here are some pics of me!
Me with the twins, Kit-Kat
Me at the hot chocolate stand

Five more days!

But barely. It’ll be 4 in a few hours. This month has been so busy with Skate America and trying to pack and stuff that I really can’t believe it’s almost here. I’m starting to flip out. I’m so used to everyone at home… what if I hate college? Then again, Coach OH! is moving out to Omaha in Janurary after nationals so that will be cool. (She set me up with a local coach to practice with me until then. Neither of us are really happy about it, because it’s a HUGE deal to compete in Nationals obviously and it’d be better if I knew I worked well with the coach, but they’re friends and Coach OH! says she’s really good so it should work out. She said she’d come out but she has to pack with her family for the move. But she’ll be at Nationals with me.)
In three days I get on a plane to Paris. (!!!!!!!!!) Then I hang out with a host until Miss B., the teacher, can pick me up. We have this really early meeting set up on Christmas morning. Not sure if I’m too excited about the time, lol. Then we’re going to hang out and get some paperwork together and everything before I meet everyone. Sheesh! That’s a lot of waiting and hanging around… but hopefully it’s worth it. My mom’s talked to Miss B. a lot just to make sure things aren’t sketchy (worrywart!). I’m so psyched. I hope we get to tour the city, really that’s all I care about… oh, and making sure I find a rink ASAP!

You play the victim and I’ll be the bad guy

This video totally cracks me up. I am so so so glad I’ve never had this type of experience. Although a lot of people seem to think that I am really spoiled. This really pisses me off. Yeah, I have a lot of stuff. But that’s just it. Stuff. I don’t have a lot that they have, but they don’t realize that.
“Oh you don’t know what you’re dealing with do you, with your perfect little Jezebel…”
I’m not going to go into it, because I don’t want to attack anyone. (And I would be accused.)
I don’t even have a best guy friend… Of course I’m friends with Trent, aka the kid at the rental counter, but I’m leaving so we’re not going to be best friends.
That’s right, only a week! WOO-HOO, Paris, here I come!

But that was us.

Oh, me and Coach OH!
We’re seriously like basically best friends. I know the grammar there was incorrect and probably crap, but that’s how I would describe it. At least she’s mine. I’ve known her since I was 10… which is only a few years longer than I’ve known about those *magic* numbers. (Sarcasm here, referencing the post “The Call”.) She knows how to deal with anything and she knows how to get me to do better in everything, not just skating.
But I just finished this really disturbing book called The Pact. I wasn’t really interested but Tabitha insisted I read it so I did. I’ve never really thought much about suicide at all. But something really struck me.

Most of you have forgotten – probably for good reason – what it was like when you were sixteen and seventeen; how crucially important it was to have someone understand you and admire you. You grow up, and things get more relative. But when you’re an adolescent, that one close relationship is all consuming. You are so bonded to that [person... because I don't think she's a "peer" as it says but the quote still fits] that you wear the same kinds of clothes, you listen to the same kinds of music, you do the same kinds of things for fun, and you think alike.
~Jodi Picoult, The Pact p. 332-3

Me and Coach OH! to a T.
Except I like to think if I said I wanted to die, she’d never let me do it.
I don’t understand why people are so dumb.

And the winner is…

I’m yet again layovering (yeah, that’s now a word) but now I am a day behind. It was totally December 16 yesterday, but whatever. At least the clocks aren’t striking thirteen, you know. Then we’d have a problem! So I know you all (and who really reads this anyway? I hope my old friends, and the new ones that I am meeting in only TEN DAYS) are waiting to find out how I did at lovely Grand Prix. Lovely, to be exact. I got fourth. And yeah, yeah I know I didn’t place. However, I’m happy with it. I made a resolve the other day to stop worrying about not being good enough and stop holding myself back. I didn’t. I was up against the other top five skaters… in the world. I beat two. I feel pretty proud of myself. I also know what the competition is now for Worlds, and I feel like I’m ready to take it on. Yeayah, first Grand Prix! Olympics to go! J

Baby’s getting next to nowhere with her back against the wall

I feel like I’ve been keeping myself back. I keep talking about how I’m not sure how great I am, and that I don’t know whether I can make it to the Olympics after taking off about half a year of skating. And yes, it’s natural to doubt yourself, but I also think I’ve been believing it. It’s so easy to think, oh, no this success isn’t real. I’m not worth that much. And once you start thinking that, you start believing it. And I feel like coming up to Grand Prix, I’ve been pretty down about skating. I haven’t thought I’d get this far and that doubt has stayed with me, even though I beat out every other female figure skater in the United States. I still doubt. And I know I’m limiting myself. I’m not trying harder routines and I’m sticking with the normal. I’m not feeling totally confident before routines because I know I haven’t challenged myself and so truly I am not doing my best.
That’s gonna change. Fo’ sho’.

It’s too early

It’s 6:25 am here. SIX TWENTY FIVE! And guess who’s awake because her schedule’s so messed up? Me. Guess who also is so freaking confused because it’s Wednesday here and not Tuesday! Oh, me! Skating is strange. South Korea is strange. Grand Prix is going to be freaking awesome. I’m going to kick ass. Did you notice that I’m the only US ladies skater who’s not an alternate? Yup. I’m so pumped. I don’t even care if I place because… it’s going to be awesome. End of story.
I had an idea of what to write about somewhere in my sleeping/strange acclimation stage, but I don’t remember. Coach OH! is in the next room and I wonder if she is awake as well. I’d go ask because I love talking to her, but then she’d make me practice. Maybe I’ll try to doze off again for a few more minutes…

This is my grown-up Christmas List

Oh, how I love airports/planes/hotels/taxis/getting lost in Asian countries/etc.
I don’t even know what time it is. On my screen it says it is 2:57 am. I don’t know what my computer is talking about, though, because that’s not what it says on the bottom, and I mean as in Maine time.
That’s better. 9:58 pm.
Have I mentioned my obsession with Michael Buble?
Well, I am in love. I have been for awhile; it’s okay and it’s basically incurable. Not necessarily his looks, I’m just in love with the guy’s voice and the fact that he sings Sinatra songs. Yup.
And I found a clip of him singing “Grown Up Christmas List” on YouTube. YouTube, how I love thee. Let me count the ways.
I want no more lives torn apart.
Christmas is always a weird season for me. I mean, we have a big family celebration and that’s cool. I love presents. But I’m not huge on religion. God and I have issues that I would like to resolve, and I’m working on it, but I still don’t understand. I really don’t understand the whole suffering thing and I get mad at God a lot. I try to settle these issues, but so far I haven’t been able to, and around Christmas everyone’s so religious and I feel fake. I’d like to, really I would… but I still have a lot of questions, a lot of doubt, and a lot of anger.
Ya know, if I somehow by some miracle place… I’ll have the world on a string. I’ll have that string around my finger.

Another music review

But before we get to that – TOMORROW is the Grand Prix! I’m actually in LA waiting for a plane right now. We flew out yesterday and overnighted at a hotel because we thought that’d be easier than flying all day – which we’re doing anyway, but whatever. I’m so tired but I definitely had to share this song I found yesterday. And get over how freaking excited I am about Grand Prix! Coach OH! is flipping out too and my mom is kind of in her own zone… she’s asleep. Haha. I think she’s excited for me, but I really sometimes don’t know. Well, of course she’s excited, but she hates flying, so maybe that’s why I’m confused about her mood. And she’s had that thing lately about me committing to skating, but I think she’s let up a little bit because I, you know, obviously got somewhere by making it into Grand Prix.
I’m actually really nervous, because it’s like Worlds, and I feel like the other American girls are so much better than me if only because I was out for so long, and I haven’t even seen the international competition. But Coach OH! (who is basically the nosiest person on earth thank you very much) just said that I can’t get my spirits down. She was reading over my shoulder, of course, because as I said, she has nothing better to do than to get into my business. Whatever, I love her, so it’s okay. See? She stopped reading before I typed that last part.
So anyway. After watching the “Winter Song” video like seriously twenty times, I was google imaging to figure out if Ingrid really has bangs. She doesn’t, by the way. But I found this clear pic of someone with her and Allie Moss, and I thought it was just a fan picture, but it was actually from someone who had opened for her! So I thought, okay, if she’s opened for Ingrid, she ought to be somewhat decent (the two guys on her “Be OK” tour were awesome, btw). I looked her up on iTunes and I am in love with Hailey Wojcik’s song “Dinosaur Bone”. I think you should experience it for yourself though.
Someday you’ll really dig me. (But of course you already do, right?!)

New Theme, Part Two

I saw this one. And I fell in love. Green isn’t even my favorite color – I love blue – but none of the blue ones were as cool as this one. Alas, my new theme, that also makes it look like I write a bit more. Aren’t I special that way?! :)

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